Posts Tagged ‘The Death of Cool’

Would you look at that jackass. That’s recording artist person Soulja Boi Tell ‘Em, and not to be overly critical of a 20 year old, one of the worst things to happen to pop culture since ever. His most successful tracks to date include future classics likeĀ  “Turn My Swag On” and “Pretty Boy Swag,” catchy numbers that talk about the importance of education and supporting your community. J/K LOL! They’re about casual sex, diamonds and coming up with hits in the studio, which makes him sound a lot like everyone else who now uses the word “swag.” As a horrified public have realized, it’s become not only accepted but popular in recent years to refer to one’s own “swag.” Legions of unsigned rappers can’t help but incorporate the term in their shitty demos and myspace user names. That, or they throw in some reference to being royalty, though it’s doubtful real kings buy their intricately patterned Ecko jeans at T.J. Maxx. But that’s tangent.

For the sake of discussion, we will accept “swag” to be the modern instantiation of “cool.” But if that’s the case, what Tell ‘Em and those of his ilk are doing is running around telling people how cool they are. Since when do assholes get away with that? Here’s a quote for your consideration, said by a pretty cool guy: “if I were cool and I told you I was cool, I wouldn’t be cool.” By the way, the part about the speaker of the quote being cool was a flat out lie because John Kerry said that. John fucking Kerry. The guy everyone thought was too wooden to beat the guy everyone thought was mentally retarded, grasps that concept.

Frank Sinatra Arrested in '38 for...wait for it....Seduction and Adultery

Here’s the deal, the measurement for coolness is and always will be Sinatras. Getting arrested for being too damn good with the dames = 10 Sinatras out of 10. However, Sinatra in a vacuum = 0. And that ‘s exactly the point that surprisingly seems to escapeĀ  the young man wearing an ice cream cone covered hoodie. Your “swag” level is the product of observer perception. Frank by himself really has no coolness to speak of without bloggers to point it out and married women to plow. It’s up to the audience to attribute swagger, and if you have to tell us how much “swag” you have, that’s about as uncool as it gets.